Rating: R to be on the safe side.
Pairings: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Kirk/Uhura/Bones and Spock/Bones/Uhura/Kirk
Word Count: 1683
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and since I'm not the aforementioned company, I don't own a thing.
Summary: When spying on a conversation between Kirk, Bones, and his ex-wife, Uhura feels the need to help out. Taken from this request at st_xi_kink, which wasn't filled when I started this, and I felt the need to finish it regardless.
Warning/Spoilers: I assume you've seen the movie, so none, really.
A/N: I sort of adore this foursome. This is honestly the first time I've liked a foursome enough to write fic for it.
Nyota Uhura had to hand it to her captain, the man did know how to pick a lovely shore leave planet. At first glance she wondered why exactly Jim (she hadn't called him captain off duty since the Platonian incident a few months back, because after you've been forced to make out with someone, why do you need formalities?) had chosen Argelius II as their shore leave destination, but that was before the lovely massage and peace and quiet she enjoyed. And also before she realized that there were some lovely shopping areas, one of which she was in now.
It was when she turned the corner that she spotted Jim and Doctor McCoy talking to a blond woman who, upon closer inspection, appeared to be McCoy's ex. Never one to miss a conversation, Uhura paused, listening intently.
"- so you did take my advice, Leonard. You finally realized that no one could ever compare to me and that even if they could, you would just be so pitiful that they'd have no choice but to cheat on you. Tell me Jim, if I may call you that, is he good in bed for you? Or does he just leave you hanging and make you finish yourself off." She smiled a sickly sweet smile.
McCoy's jaw clenched slightly as he growled."Jocelyn-"
She cut him off. "Shut up, Leonard. Bless your heart for having to deal with a pitiful excuse for a man. Unless you like sort of thing, which come to think of it, if you're dating Leonard here, you must."
Uhura scowled from her hiding spot. She heard that this Jocelyn woman was a bitch, but she never imagined that this much vile hate could be spewed by one person.
"Don't tell me, Jim, this is a pity relationship, isn't it? You are just dating him because no one else will. Aw, you're such a kind soul, taking on hopeless cases. And you're having sex with someone on the side, aren't you? Leonard can't satisfy someone like you."
Jim's hand clenched into a fist as he walked closer to Jocelyn. "I'll have you know-"
Uhura stared at Jim's clenched fist for a millisecond before remembering that the Argeliuians were pacifists. She knew there was only one thing to do.
"Jim, Leonard! There you two are." She smiled, strolling toward the two who turned around slightly confused.
She pulled McCoy in for a kiss, her tongue pushing against his lips asking for entrance that was granted with a smile and an opening. She pulled away, pressing another soft kiss before she turned to Jocelyn.
"And who might you be?"
Her lips pursed together. "Jocelyn Treadway, Joanna's mother and you are?"
Uhura smiled, settling in between Jim and McCoy, her head resting on Jim's shoulder and her arm wrapped possessively around McCoy's waist. "I'm Nyota Uhura. Hm, I thought you would have been more attractive. I guess Leonard was just taking pity on you when he married you, he's such a nice man like that. Isn't he, Jim?"
Jim looked as if he were about to laugh, but kissed her temple instead. "Yeah. He's perfect and isn't he just wonderful-"
She interrupted and felt McCoy's arm wrap around her waist. "Oh yeah, his hands are so precise, he knows exactly where to touch. It just turns me into putty. Really, Jocelyn, I don't know how you gave him up or why for that matter? I think you couldn't please him. A man like him needs two to satisfy his urges. I guess you just weren't enough. It's a shame."
As she watched the entwined trio before her Jocelyn's face morphed into a combination of disgust and annoyance. "Well, Leonard, it's nice to know you're such a sexual deviant. Perhaps you aren't a good influence on Joanna."
McCoy snarled. "Really, Jocelyn? Tell me, where did you leave our daughter this time?"
"With my mother, since Clay is with me."
McCoy's eyebrows twitched and Jim moved his hand to his back in an attempt to calm him. "You left our daughter with that woman. So help me if she lays a hand-"
"Relax. She won't. Besides, I think anything is better than you."
Are you kidding me? It took all of Uhura's control not to slap Jocelyn after she heard that. She has seen the times when his demeanor changed when he worried about Jim, Spock, or her or even the lowest crew member. He made Jim content. (More importantly, he made him stop the stupid almost-death missions) How anyone could belittle him was beyond her. "Listen here, you idiotic woman. Leonard is the best man a woman or man or any other being could ask for. The fact that you don't seem to realize this indicates that you have some serious issues to work out-"
Jim cut Uhura off, his body shaking with rage. She had insulted the parenting skills of his CMO and his best friend-turned lover. A man that everyone knew cared more about the crew than almost anyone else. The man who was the biggest hypochondriac he'd ever seen, but considering it was the Enterprise, his fears were well founded. Uhura could see the struggle he was having not to hit her as well. "You haven't seen him look forward to talking to Joanna for just five minutes. You don't see how much he actually cares. Of course, I think it'd be wasted on you, considering you are, and I beg your pardon ma'am, a pitiful excuse for a human being let alone a mother. And-"
McCoy's lips curled as soon as the words tumbled out of his ex-wife's mouth. How dare she even talk to him about being unfit when she had left their daughter with her mother. He opened his mouth to argue with her before shutting it when Uhura and Jim had gone on their own rampages. He saw Uhura look at him and felt Jim's hand stroking his back and pondered what to say next. It took a glance eyeroll from Uhura for him to come up with an idea. "You know what, Jocelyn, I will tell you what I told you when we finalized the divorce. Have fun with whoever the fuck you decided to marry instead of me and I hope he realizes what he just got himself into, because you are the- there aren't even words to describe you, Jocelyn. I just hope that you're happy, because at the moment, I am possibly one of the happiest men in the galaxy. So, I believe that Nyota wanted to finish shopping and I think Jim and I are going to help. Goodbye Jocelyn."
Uhura grinned as she saw the look on Jocelyn's face before she walked away with Jim and McCoy. When they were out of her view, Jim laughed, letting his arm fall away from Uhura's waist.
"That was brilliant, Uhura."
"Don't be getting a big head, I did it so you wouldn't punch her and cause a diplomatic incident. If you remember, the Argeliuians are pacifists."
"But it was for a good cause. You heard Jocelyn. I'm sure they would have understood."
McCoy smiled. "I don't think they would have, Jim. Thank you Nyota. I owe you one."
A thought struck Uhura as she watched McCoy's lips form those words. She opened her mouth in reply only to be interrupted by a voice they all knew well.
"Nyota? Why is Doctor McCoy's arm is wrapped around your waist? And might I inquire as to why you were kissing him?" Spock asked causing the trio to turn around and look at him.
Before Jim and McCoy could get a word in edgewise, Nyota removed McCoy's arm and walked over to Spock before whispering something in his ear. His eyebrow arched as if he believed she was lying. "I'm serious. And don't tell me the thought hasn't occurred to you. It's almost completely logical minus that one little problem and we're getting past that." Her voice lowered so McCoy and Jim couldn't hear. "And he's starting to look more appeasing as the days go by."
Spock stood for a moment contemplating the idea that Uhura had proposed before stepping toward McCoy and Jim, his face impassive.
"Nyota has offered an idea that has the possibility of being beneficial to the four of us. I wish to inquire if you and Doctor McCoy would object to joining Nyota and myself in my quarters to explore the possibilities of such an arrangement."
Uhura watched as Jim and McCoy shared a look before Jim spoke, a grin crossing his features. "What kind of exploring?"
Spock took a step back to Uhura. "That is up to the Doctor and you. Nyota and I would be open to a number of explorations."
"Let Nyota finish shopping first. She stopped to help us and I think she would like to finish. We'll entertain ourselves while we wait." McCoy answered wrapping his arm around Jim before turning to leave.
"Have I told how much I love you today? Because I feel the need to say it now." Uhura grinned, her fingertips rubbing against his in a Vulcan kiss.
"You have informed me of this fact on three separate occasions today. This is now the fourth."
"Well I don't care." She leaned in, her lips brushing against his ear slightly. "Go join them. I'll be there soon. Just don't do anything without me."
When Uhura made her way back to the ship she quickly made her way to Spock's quarters and stood in shock at the door.
She surveyed the image of her boyfriend towering above Jim, with McCoy watching from the sidelines. "I thought I told you to wait for me."
McCoy cut him off. "Jim can be very persuasive when it comes to sex. It doesn't matter now, cause now you're here and I think you deserve a reward for being a wonderful help today." He motioned for her to come to him and Nyota, despite her excellent grasp of many languages, found herself speechless. And decided she didn't mind at all.