( ι ιяяαтισηαℓℓү ℓιкε үσυ ) (skips) wrote,
( ι ιяяαтισηαℓℓү ℓιкε үσυ )

This Is How A Heart Breaks (Kirk/McCoy, McCoy/OMC, Kirk/Everyone, Jocelyn/McCoy)

Title: This Is How A Heart Breaks
Rating: R for many uses of supposedly impolite words.
Pairings: Kirk/McCoy, McCoy/OMC implied, Kirk/Everyone implied, past Jocelyn/McCoy.
Word Count: 2841.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek and since I'm not the aforementioned company, I don't own a thing.
Summary: When Jim declares his love for Bones his declaration is met with quite an unfavorable response from Bones, leading to a situation that Bones has to fix. For this prompt at st_xi_kink.
Warning/Spoilers: I assume you've seen the movie, so none, really. It does have a fair bit of angst though.
A/N: The original anon will probably never ever read this, but I had to write it. Why no one else took this prompt is beyond me. And this was constantly known as "the angst that never ended" while I wrote it. Seriously.
My beta and I have looked over this far too many times to count (and I've changed things so many times, including this ending), so if I forgot a word or something along those lines, tell me, because we've probably missed something.

"Bones." Jim rushed down to his friend and soon to be chief medical officer from the top of the stairs.

McCoy paused and looked up at the running figure with a look of amusement and pride. It had been a few days since the assembly of the admirals where they had given Jim Captaincy of the Enterprise. He could safely say that he hadn't seen Jim that happy in all the time he had known him and it had, in turn, made him happy.

"Jim." He smiled as Jim finally reached him.

"You got a minute to head back to the room? I want to talk to you and I forgot to grab something."

"Graduation is in about two hours, Jim, and you forgot to get something from our room. Why Starfleet ever decided to make you captain I'll never know. Come on." McCoy rolled his eyes, starting off for their soon to be former room.

Jim chuckled. "You know you love me, Bones."

Way more than you know, kid. Shit, McCoy, don't go there again. Never ends well.

Within minutes the duo reached the room, almost barren baring the lone pair of underwear sitting on the dresser. McCoy raised an eyebrow as he noticed it.

"That's what you forgot?"

Jim grabbed the underwear."Yeah. I meant to wear them after I had packed and then I had forgotten I put them there so I grabbed another pair. Sit down."

McCoy sat down on the bed he had slept on for the past three years that he had shared with Jim. He remembered all of the times when he stayed up waiting for Jim, studying for an exam as he did so, and all the times the two of them helped each other with their own respective tests, Jim reminding him that there was no need because he was a brilliant doctor.

Jim looked at him and smiled before sighing. "Bones, you know you're my best friend, right?"

"Considering the amount of times I've saved your ass, I would hope so."

A chuckle. "Yeah." Jim paused. "I know this going to seem so weird, but I love you, Bones."

McCoy blinked before laughing. "I love you too, Jim. What was so important about this about this that you needed to tell me in here?"

"No, Bones. I mean that I'm in love with you. As in, I want to spend at least a fair amount of my life with you. I want to be in a monogamous relationship with you. No fucking anyone but you. If it'll make you believe me, I'll use your real name. I'm being completely serious. I love you, Leonard McCoy." Jim stood up and moved closer to McCoy.

McCoy felt time stop. Had Jim said what he thought he said? Did he just honestly profess his love for him? Fuck. This wasn't supposed to happen. Jim liked women and he liked women. He married one for God sakes. She gave him a daughter. He just likes Jim in a platonic friendship way. Just in a platonic way. Sure, Jim is attractive and all, but he didn't like him that way. At all. Leonard McCoy doesn't do the whole swinging several ways thing. He liked females, and that's it. No males, no aliens.

"When did I give you the faintest idea that I loved you as more than my best friend? Really, Jim? You think I'd actually want to fuck you? I don't have sex with guys, in case you forgot that little detail. Besides, you are a slut, you realize that, right? There's no walking around it, you sleep with everything, if it moves it's probably had your damn cock in it. I don't even want to think of what you're carrying because of that. You're incapable of maintaining an actual relationship that lasts more than a night or at best a week. You honestly think I reciprocate those feelings? Are you out of your mind, Jim? Did Spock cause some brain damage I wasn't aware of? Dammit Jim, why did you have to mess up this friendship up with this?"

"I thought-"

"You didn't. If you had actually put thought into this, you would have realized that I am not attracted to you that way and I never will be. Got it, kid?"

For a second Jim looked as if he had just been stabbed before he schooled his face into a smile. "Of course. Hey, you go ahead, I'm just going to check and make sure I didn't leave anything else."

McCoy frowned. "Fine, just don't be late."

"I won't." Jim whispered as McCoy turned his back and walked out.

As the doors swished shut behind him, McCoy suddenly felt as if he had been a bit too harsh to Jim, but quickly brushed the feeling aside, remembering that Jim had dealt with worse comments in his life. If anything, it'd just bruise his ego. Nothing to worry about. He'd get over it.


Jim rubbed at his temples. "I just need something to help me sleep, Bones. Can you just-"

"Not until I actually look you over to make sure it's not something you caught. Look at me."

Jim sighed before lifting his head up. "Happy?"

McCoy frowned, noticing the large bags under his friend's eyes. This had been going on for a while and from the looks of his eyes, it was getting worse. "How long has this been going on?"

Jim's eyes darted away from McCoy. "A week, maybe two."

"And you're just now coming to me?" McCoy growled. "Dammit-"

"Save it, Bones. I'm not in the mood to listen to you worry. I'm fine, but I just want to be able to sleep through the night. Now, will you give me something or not?"

"This week, sure, if you still can't sleep after next week then you're bringing your ass back to Sickbay and either I'm going to figure out or you're going to tell me what's wrong with you. Deal, kid?"

"Deal." Jim answered before McCoy obliged his request.

"It'll let you sleep, but you won't miss your shift." Jim slid off the biobed and wobbled a little. "You need help getting back to your quarters?"

Jim's shoulders tensed. "No. I'm fine. Same time tomorrow?"

McCoy's eyebrow arched, watching Jim's shoulders tense. "Yeah. Goodnight."

"Night Bones." He replied, looking firmly in the opposite direction.

McCoy sighed. That wasn't his Jim that walked out of those doors. That wasn't the Jim he'd grown attached to in the Academy. That wasn't the Jim he- Dammit, McCoy, you're stronger than that. You aren't attracted to him. You don't love him. He knew something was wrong, just not what was wrong.


"What did you do to him?"

McCoy stared at Uhura as she glared at him with a ferocity that could have killed a man. "What, no hello, Doctor McCoy how was your day? I didn't do anything to your lovely little Vulcan, anything else?"

"I wasn't talking about Spock, considering, you'd already be dead by now if you had done something."

"I haven't fucked Chekov either. Nor have I insulted anyone on the crew, not even Christine. I've been downright nice to her, to be honest."

"I'm talking about the Captain. You know, your best friend James Tiberius Kirk."

"Oh, you mean the one who won't look me straight in the eye anymore or the one who's been avoiding me to the point where I only found out three days ago that he hasn't slept properly in two weeks or the one that does both?"

"Yeah, the last one. Also previously known as the one that flirted with me on a daily basis and hasn't since graduation. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

"If you're thinking I fucked him in our old room and made him swear not to do it, then no, that's not what happened. Besides, I don't know why he stopped. Even if I did, I wouldn't have been the one to tell him to stop, because seeing how much it bothers Spock just fills my ice cold Southern heart with unadulterated glee."

"If you weren't the CMO of this ship, I would hit you right now. I mean, do you know why he's depressed, because he's not acting normal and it's worrying everyone."

"He could have just matured. It's possible. He is after all the captain, he can't act like he used to."

Uhura snorted. "Right and he just isn't sleeping for the fun of it. You did something. I don't know what, but you were the last person he saw before he started acting like whatever pitiful imitation of him this is right now. I don't know what you did, but you need to fix it."

"I don't even know what I apparently did. I can't fix it. He'll get over whatever his problem is and it won't matter."

"Bullshit. You know what, whether or not you want to deny whatever, I don't care, but when it starts affecting everyone else, it's gotten a bit out of hand. Just fix it so everything can go back to normal and I don't have to worry about whether or not the captain is going to get us all killed."

McCoy bit back a growl. "Goodbye Lieutenant."

Uhura frowned. "Goodbye Doctor."

McCoy stared at the space vacated by Uhura and sighed. It seemed as if the words hadn't rolled off of Jim's back like he had thought they would. Meaning Jim had been telling the truth. Fuck. I can't. I can't. He wasn't sure how to fix this. But he had to try.


Jim came back at 2000 hours to a McCoy that scowled as soon as he walked in. "Evening, Jim, come with me to my office."


"Because I'm your CMO and I said so. Now come on, cause you're not getting anything unless you do."


"Do you want to sleep?"

"What kind of question is that? Yes, I do."

"Then get your ass in there. Now." McCoy growled.

Jim begrudgingly walked into the office and watched as McCoy did the same. He sat on the desk and waited until the door shut before he spoke. "You got me in here, what do you want?"

"What do I want? Such a loaded question, Jim. I want to know why you have suddenly become worryingly depressed. This isn't healthy, you realize that you can't go on like this. I want to know why you're avoiding me like I have Andorian shingles."

Jim forced out a laugh. "I haven't been avoiding you. I've been busy."

"You're looking at the wall. Just tell me. I'm your best friend for crying out loud."

"My best friend. Ha, that's rich Bones, normally best friends don't throw confessions of love right back in someone's face. Sure, they'll tell them they don't reciprocate the feelings, but they don't usually call them a slut and ask if they have brain damage. Fuck, Bones, if you didn't want to fuck me and get into a relationship with me, you could have just said so. You didn't have to throw in my face that I sleep around and you certainly didn't have to call me an idiot. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't slept with anyone since then."

McCoy ignored Jim's rant. "You haven't been sleeping, of course you haven't slept with anyone."

Jim growled, vacating his spot on the desk in favor of getting closer to McCoy. "That's beyond the point and you know it. I wasn't kidding when I said all of that. I love you. I want to have a relationship with you that's more than just friends with you. I'd understand if you don't have sex with guys, but you- you- I don't even know. You aren't telling me the whole story. I'm missing something here, because from what you say I'm the closest you have to a significant other, and I want to know we're not together." Jim's face moved in closer. "I want to know what is so disgusting about the idea of being with me. I'm clean, I'm intelligent, I'm the youngest captain ever. I want to know why you are so averse to this fucking idea. Is the thought of having sex with me so disgusting that you feel the need to insult me?"

McCoy watched Jim pant slightly, his chest rising and falling. He felt Jim's warm breath on his face. "Anyone would give their left arm to have sex with you. You're attractive, I'll admit that, Jim, and you're also intelligent. You apparently are not intelligent enough to realize that there are people who value a strong friendship over having sex with their best friend. I will admit that the thought, of having sex with you crossed my mind once, you're attractive and I haven't gotten laid in a while. I don't care if you meant what you said. You're a guy. I can't, no, I won't have sex with you and become your boyfriend or lover or whatever the fuck you want call the arrangement that would happen. I have my reasons, and they are none of your business, even if you're my best friend."

"When they affect me, they are. So, tell me Bones, why don't you want to do this? I can give you more love than Jocelyn ever did and you're throwing it right back in my face. Why?"

"Don't test me, Jim. And don't bring her into this conversation."

Jim inched closer his lips ghosting over McCoy's own. "What are you going to do about it?"

McCoy shuddered slightly, if he didn't get Jim off around him, this wasn't going to end well. "If you don't back off, I won't give you the hypospray."

"I wasn't sleeping before it, doesn't matter and I don't think I will." Jim whispered before pressing his lips to McCoy's.

McCoy growled, biting Jim's lip, taking it between his teeth, pulling on it. Jim groaned slightly as McCoy flipped their positions, pinning him to the wall. He felt a hand snake under his shirt before McCoy pulled away roughly.

He panted. "Get out."


"Get. Out. Have Christine give you the stupid compound, but get out of my sight."

Jim opened his mouth to say something before McCoy glared. "Fine. I'm sorry."

McCoy scoffed as Jim walked through the doors. "You're sorry, my ass."

He hadn't meant to do that at all. He remembered what happened the last time he was involved with a man. He remembered the snide remarks that were directed toward his boyfriend. He remembered- he shut his eyes at the thought, it would do him no good to remember that incident. The incident where he swore off men forever.

He recognized the signs that he was falling for Jim early on in their relationship. His first words to Jim may have been "I may throw up on you", but Jim stuck by him anyway, listening to him whine and act vaguely like a mother hen or come to think of it, an overprotective boyfriend. Everything was fine, he'd pushed aside the feelings so well, he had one of the best friends a man could ask for, minus how much trouble he got himself into, and was content. And then Jim threw a wrench in the entire situation he had going by confessing his love. His love for me. McCoy frowned as he remembered his denial of Jim. It was. . . a little more harsh than he had intended it to be, but hearing those words tumble from Jim's lips was too much. He felt his control slipping and just uttered the only thing he knew would get Jim to back off, even if it did wound him a bit more than he intended it to.

Fuck. Jim. McCoy shook his head and left his office in search of Jim. It was Jim. Jim who already said he loved him. Jim. His best friend. It could work. It was going to work. It had to work, because he wanted his best friend as his lover.


The door chimed, informing Jim of McCoy's entry into his rooms. Jim sighed, his back to McCoy. "I really didn't mean to do that. You know me, Bones, I fuck everything that moves."

McCoy frowned at the self-deprecating tone and walked around to grasp Jim's chin. "Despite the Academy's ideas on that, you and I both know that isn't true. You didn't fuck the Andorian or me."

Jim scoffed, his voice softening. "Never will either."

"I'll be the judge of that, kid. Besides, I heard that tongue of yours is quite talented." McCoy pulled Jim for a kiss, his teeth softly nipping at Jim's.

As McCoy pulled away, Jim frowned and raised an eyebrow. "You're not-"

"Playing with you? Depends, if you ask I could. Come to bed, I'll explain it to you there."

A smile broke out on Jim's face. "You'll be doing more than explaining, Bones."

McCoy chuckled. "I'm counting on it."
Tags: kirk/bones, r, slash, star trek!
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